“Weight”

I wrote the words below a few nights ago and really hesitated to post them due to my high emotions at the time, but when I turned on the Today Show yesterday and saw a segment on women dealing with miscarriage, I knew I had to share this post with my blog friends. After my miscarriage last summer, I promised myself that I would be an advocate for miscarriage so that people wouldn’t feel ashamed or insufficient or guilty if they were to experience one themselves. So, here it goes…

Tonight I am feeling very clingy, to put it lightly. I don’t want to put my baby girl down. I don’t know where all of these emotions came from, but I have been reminded tonight that I am surrounded by friends who want so desperately to have a baby and have worked for years to try to get pregnant to no avail. And friends who have conceived a child and are now fighting for the chance for the baby to live and breathe when it’s born. And friends who have lost a baby to miscarriage. All of them would give anything on this earth to hold their baby. And what have I done to deserve this precious gift laying sleeping in my arms? Why me? I passionately wish that I could do something to help these parents experience the life of their babies. I have lost a baby myself, and I understand the grief and loss that hits you like a brick wall and physically hurts your heart. For those of you reading this that are hurting, please know that  I pray for you daily; that you will have peace and comfort and hope and strength. This is not your fault, and there is nothing you could have done to have kept it from happening. Many weeks after I miscarried, I finally realized what upset me the most was that I wanted my baby to have weight in this world; to have existed and been known and made a difference in someone’s life. Know that I also pray that you realize that your baby does have weight in my life, as well as many other people’s lives. Your baby has weight. Finally, I pray that you realize that you are a very, very strong woman who, when God does bless you with a child one day, will hold onto that baby long, long after she falls asleep and cry tears of joy over her smiling face.